Everyone has felt the sting of rejection, but the stigma remains. Let's talk about that.
Honesty time.
I have been rejected continuously since I first started applying to graduate school, and as such I have experienced an array of emotions post rejection ranging from horrible to numb. No one pulled me aside, or even mentioned in passing, that maturing in my field of study meant dealing with harsh rejections delivered with varying degrees of humanity.
I studied for my GRE submitted it to the allowed three schools (I couldn't afford to send it to more) and waited for the good news. Only one school was interested and even that one was a hard maybe. I had been waitlisted and I felt like a failure. So after feeling defeated for a few months I tried again. I took the GRE (yes for a second time) sent it out to three different schools and watched my email like a hawk. Still nothing. This left me with a choice: A) give up and feel sorry for myself which was tempting B) do nothing and wait for a miracle or C) do something.
This very important choice has impacted how I have handled some of my biggest rejections... I did something. I found the number for the department chair of the program I was most interested in and I called him. Not his admin, him. We had a conversation and I put a voice if not a face to one of the many names in his pile. It was after the 2008 recession and many PhD programs and all MD/PhD programs were shrinking. A yes was not a sure bet, but without taking this step I am 100% sure I would not have been accepted into a program.
Now for reality.
Academic success in the STEM fields is notoriously difficult to achieve and I was ready for that battle, or so I thought, but I had no idea how pervasive rejection truly was. I applied for grants, wrote papers, and delivered what I considered well reasoned presentations only to be hit time and time again with rejections and heartless critiques.
I took every single negative impression to heart and my imposter syndrome bloomed. Any bad grade meant I wasn't good enough, I was sure a cutting remark after my poster was being filed away as evidence to be used against me, and every "thanks but no thanks" email was proof I didn't belong. My confidence dropped and my ability to feel strong while even talking about my own research waned.
I again was faced with a choice: A) go numb B) find a way to use these moments of rejection to get stronger or C) let the rejections pull me down. I refused to chose option number three, but in reality I used both numbness and sheer determination as strategies to survive grad school. My late coming realization; was that reviewers and unhelpful critiques could only be internalized as personal attacks if I let them. Yes, they still hurt. Yes, I still had to close more than one email and self medicate with junk food. The difference was that I was choosing to prove the haters wrong. I would succeed because that was what I wanted.
Time for advice.
Rejection will not go away. As a first generation college graduate, in my immediate family, and the only PhD, from either side of my extended family, the chances that I will one day experience the privilege of an 80 year old white male tenured Harvard professor are slim and nil. That being said my struggle is nothing compared to those who climb the uncountable barriers to be the first (ie first native person to graduate with a masters from University X or the first black woman to chair Department Y). So my goal here is to start breaking down the stigma of rejection.
Rejection doesn't stop when you enter grad school, achieve your goal degree, or earn a professional position. It is literally everywhere. In fact I believe it is even more likely to creep into our lives as the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic starts to be felt in the STEM fields. As we start grappling with what safe looks like for those working in labs and on university campuses. As professors and communicator in STEM work to balance remote and in person obligations. We must prepare ourselves to face this new level of pressure and determine how we will face this new rejection challenge.
Do not feel isolated. Everyone in a STEM field can tell you are horror story about Reviewer 2, the time a C from undergrad excluded them from getting a coveted NIH grant, or the amazing position they applied for only to be ghosted with no response. We have all been rejected and we all deal with it differently. I'm actively looking for my next big opportunity which means I am choosing to deal with this heartache AGAIN.
I'm here if you ever want to talk about yours.
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